OMG! MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!

Have the riots in Iran stopped? Have the Iranian people finally gotten the Democracy they want and deserve?

Has Osama Bin Laden been captured? Is the dangerous threat of Al Qaeda at an end?

Is there finally peace in the middle east? Are the Israelis and Palestinians finally beating their weapons into plowshares?

Have we finally beaten the threat of a worldwide pandemic with a cure for Swine Flu?

Did someone finally discover a cure for cancer?

WHO CARES? MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!

My respect for the mental tenacity of the American intellect went up a few notches during the last Presidential elections and I thought we were FINALLY going to start paying attention to things that really mattered! I believed that the anti-intellectualism that was so prevalent during the Bush years had finally come to an end and Americans had finally lost their inability to concentrate for more than two minutes. Not so. We have proven how fickle a society we are by gawking at the first shiny object dangled in front of us. Like so many infants infatuated with daddy's keys as he jangles them above us, our attention is drawn away from the hundreds dying in Iran, a Republican governor who literally disappeared for an entire week (while having an illicit sexual affair - those crazy family values), the fact that India's farmers are suffering a horrible drought that promises a widespread famine, a new bombing in Baghdad killing 15 and wounding 46 others, or that several Minutemen (an armed militia of conservative, White xenophobes who "protect" our southern borders from illegal immigrants) broke into a home and shot and killed a 29 year old Hispanic man and his 9 year old daughter to death (he wife was also shot and left for dead, but called the police shortly before they re-entered the home). All because the "King of Pop" is dead.

I've already quit watching newscasts as the American media is partially to blame for our infatuation with the death of celebrities. Every minute of nearly every hour is dedicated to Michael Jackson. There are already dozens of programs with titles like "Michael Jackson - His Life and His Legacy" and "The Life and Times of Michael Jackson," being promised to the hungry viewers. What can they possibly offer that wasn't previously available as common knowledge (other than, of course, the details of his death) before yesterday? Nothing. Apparently he was planning a big "comback" tour and now he's more popular than he's been in decades!

The odd thing is that longtime television star Farrah Fawcett died on the same day that Jackson did. Of course, SHE didn't die suddenly like Jackson and her malady (rectal cancer) was too horrific to stop to think about, so we're content to quietly shuffle her passing onto a lower shelf while we make much ado about the controversial (and once suspected pedophile) Jacko dying. America loves its weirdos.

I never much cared for the man myself. Sure, he had a couple of catchy tunes and he DID do the very first 21 minute music video featuring zombies (and directed by John Landis), but I frankly thought the parodies of Jackson's videos by Weird Al Yankovic MUCH more creative. This is all a real shame for poor Farrah who was constantly upstaged by other people in her career (including Ryan O'Neil her onetime abusive husband who is apparently hoping for a comeback now that he's momentarily in the limelight again). Two celebrities died on the same day. One provided masturbatory fantasies for thousands of young boys; the other had masturbatory fantasies of thousands of young boys.

So this is how it ends. Michael Jackson will be rotting in his grave before we see the conclusion to the numerous television programs dedicated to his life, his death, his controversies, his family, his funeral and his music. Considering his worldwide popularity the airtime that will be devoted to Jackson's death promises to be more tedious than the deaths of Anna Nicole Smith, Ronald Reagan and Elvis all rolled into one.

I know better than to leave my readers a healthy dose of my cynicism and irreverence. I don't want you to go away sad so I'll leave you with an old joke. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag? Answer: One is white, made of plastic and dangerous to children, the other is used to carry groceries.